Dear other states and their constituents,

Yes, Yes I know, you think gas is expensive too. But really, for you, it’s not that bad.

I paid $4.19 a gallon yesterday. DID YOU READ THAT? $4.19 a GALLON.

So piss off Idaho, and Kentucky. I don’t want to hear how $3.65 a gallon is bad. That is what I was paying last year. And last month. And the month before that.

Just sayin…

You pay the same amount as Californians do and then you can whine. Till then I am not interested. But Alaska can feel free to whine as much as they want. Because not only are they paying almost as much as me, it’s damn cold where they live. Damn cold.

Disgust,

SD

In related news: this link is interesting, and what prompted this post.

http://www.nytimes.com/imagepages/2008/05/06/us/20080506_GAS_GRAPHIC.html

Today is…

the first day of the semester at my design school.

And I’m not there.

Now or ever again. Woo Hoo. ( apparently Apollo Creed disagrees with my earlier use of Woot woot. )

Here’s to my Bachelor’s degree!

When the shoe is on Suzuki’s foot…Part 3

Alright, so I guess I have been keeping some of you on the hook for this, and for that I am sorry. life gets in the way you know? And just so that we’re clear, I have no hidden feelings of longing for Best Boy or visa versa. This is not an SD consummates a crush story. Promise.

So, after our dinner a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t hear from Best Boy until last week, and he asked me to go get dinner, and said, “A lot of crap has happened.” Hmmm. This could mean so many things.

He picks me up for dinner, and over a SMALL, UNDER FILLED basket of chips at Fresca’s (The taco lady still hates me, but she says hello to me by name now, strange,) I got the scoop.

Apparently between my talking-to, his mother’s skeptical attitude and Man Best Friend’s advice, Best Boy realized that in fact, he HAD to end it with Suzuki. So after going to church together, they went back to her house and he brought it up. She was not amused to say the least. He just laid it out there that he was not in love with her (not that he had ever said he was) and that he didn’t want to marry her and didn’t want to date anymore. She came back with, I don’t understand, nothing happened, we’ve been fine lately.

And so he says, maybe that is true, but I don’t love you, I want to see other people, and we don’t need to have some big fight for me to realize that I don’t want to be with you anymore. She says that she wants to work on things and that he should give her another chance. No, he say, it doesn’t matter, I am done, and we’ve had a year to work on things and they’re not working for me. I don’t want to be with you. She argues with him, still, and then of course goes into the whole argument that he will never find someone better than her that will put up with his shit.

He responds with: you shouldn’t have to put up with my shit, and I don’t treat you like you should be treated, because I don’t care about you like that. I am not interested in making you a priority and I am not interested in being a good boyfriend. And that’s not fair to you, and why would you put up with me if I treat you so shitty? And even if we could work on things between us, the bottom line is that I don’t want to.

She doesn’t really have a comeback to this and he starts to leave and she blocks the door. Fine, they’ll talk some more. Finally when he leaves, they have spent 6 hours breaking up. The next day she sens him a long email explaining that he is wrong. She tells him he MUST come over that night because they need to talk more about it. He says fine, and goes over, and it’s the same old story as the night before. He leaves again, and she tries to block him from leaving.

A few days, many phone calls from her, and multiple emails later, she calls him and asks him to come over again, and he says ok, but I am not interested in talking about us. There is nothing left to say, and it is getting really annoying and I don’t understand why you are not listening. She says she can’t make that promise, and so he says that he is not coming over. Words escalate and eventually she hangs up on him, only to call back multiple times and have him not pick up. Eventually he turns off his cell phone. So then she calls his house line. Repeatedly. For a half hour. Until finally, she gets the message and stops.

Now, certainly I think that no breakup is clean, and we all walk away scarred, but listening to him tell me this story I was knocked over with the similarity to some of my own breakups. Of course the person doing the breaking up has the upper hand, they made the decision and have already started to distance themselves emotionally. And when they tell you that they don’t want to be with you, even if somewhere you knew it was coming, it still flattens you. And so you grasp at any straw that you can to hold onto that person, and beseech them to change their mind. As if the crying, groveling, sniveling mess that you become when being dumped will be enough to make them think twice.

But here’s the thing, and what I learned from this whole Suzuki-Best Boy situation. When you’re the dumper, or the friend on the outside, the situation becomes very clear. He clearly needed to move on from the relationship. Everyone around him could see that, and eventually he came to see that too. He CLEARLY never wanted to marry her, and she was so wrong for him for so many reasons, (and he for her, although who would be right for her?) And it’s so crystal clear to me now, because his reasons and McKnobhead’s reasons were similar. Yes, McKnobhead wasted 2 more years of my time than Best Boy did with Suzuki, but when we broke up, his reasons were the same. He didn’t want to marry me, and he was not in love with me anymore, and even if it could have gotten better if we had worked on the relationship, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to stop being an asshole, even though he knew that I deserved to be treated better. So therein lies the essence of both of these relationships. It was not working, and even though both men knew what they would have to do to fix it, neither of them were interested in doing so.

And now being on the outside, I finally understand that during a break-up, the best thing you can do for yourself is just accept it and start to move on, immediately. Because the longer you try to change their mind, and the harder you hold on, the quicker and more determinedly they will pull away. Such is the case with Best Boy and Suzuki. Going into the breakup, he wanted to stay friends, but now there is no way that is possible because every time he talks to her, she wants to talk about the relationship. And he just… doesn’t. So, if I have learned anything from this, it’s that when and if I get dumped again, that I am just going to go away quietly. Because once someone has decided to break up with you, what elese is there to say? Better to walk away with your head held high than to end up naked on a floor begging a man to love you. It’s just not pretty. Or self-respecting.

I firmly think that he made the right decision and I am so so proud of him for being so assertive with her. And I am proud of him for ending it. But part of me feels bad for her if only because I remember how tightly I also held on to someone who had clearly shown how little he thought of me. And that is what she is doing now. It’s a long road between where she was and where I am. But the other half of me is extremely glad that it’s over, if only because I won’t ever have to play fake nice to her if they were together or see her and her nasty personality ever again. *Smirks*

When the shoe is on Suzuki’s foot…Part 2

So, where were we?

Oh yes, Best boy didn’t know why he was with her, or where it was going, except nowhere. But by this point it had been going on for almost a year. They had gone to a wedding together. He was invited…as her date. One would think that is a pretty concrete piece of evidence that this woman thinks that you are her boyfriend. Her parents introduced him as her boyfriend. And yet, he still maintains to her that this is not the case.

They also got into a wicked fight on New Years about the fact that they never spend time with his friends. She is all upset about it (rightly so) and asks why. Now she knows I have no interest in hanging out with her. But why not his other friends? Best Boy doesn’t tell her it’s because none of his friends like her. The only other friend, Sofia, he introduced her to over dinner, Suzuki spent the entire time text messaging. Nice impression. Let’s just say Sofia was not impressed. And rightly so. And on New years, she asks him why he never took her side in the whole argument between her and I. And says that she was right, and that he shouldn’t be friends with me anymore. This is where Best boy kind of loses it, pulls over the car and tells her to get out, because he’s just not going to go there, and she can’t expect him to disown his best friend. She backpedals, and he drives her home.

Finally, about three weeks ago, when he and I are out to dinner, I told him, that no matter what I think of her, I wanted to know what the full story was, so that if this was a serious relationship, that I could adjust and learn to be around her, because certainly I was not going to stop being friends with him if they were going to get married. The conversation went something like this:

SD: Best Boy, she is your girlfriend. It’s been going on for a year.

BB: No, she’s not. I never stay over.

SD: Whatever, that is so a technicality. So, we’ve already established that you’re not going to marry her, then why are you doing it? Is she really great in bed, or is she a lot of fun, or do you just like being with her? What is it that makes you stay.

BB: No, she’s none of that really, and I find myself lying to her all the time, because I don’t want to hang out with her as much as she wants to hang out with me, so I will just make up an excuse. Or say I’m hanging out with you, because she never questions that.

SD: Great, so now I am an accomplice to your sordid love affair. Is it just because she’s there, BB, because it seems like it is more out of convenience than anything?

BB: Yeah, you know, I guess it because of that, as bad as that sounds. she’s there, she’s available and I don’t have to put much effort into it. At all. None of my friends like her, and my mom even said that she didn’t understand why I was dating her. Suzuki is always complaining about how I never introduce her to my friends or we never hang out with Man Best Friend and I never have her spend time with my family.

SD: And rightly so, she is your girlfriend, no matter what you say, and any normal woman would want these things. And the fact that you aren’t giving them to her sucks. For her. You should be with someone you want to have around, in all situations, family or friends, and you don’t. Honestly, you need to get out. As in last week.

BB: I know, but…

SD: But you’re lazy and don’t like confrontation.

BB: Yeah. That.

SD: You do realize however, that the longer that you wait, the worse that it will get. And you do realize that you are not being fair to her. You are wasting her time. She’s laboring under the misapprehension that you are her boyfriend, and by now you have been together for a year, and she’s going to start to want things. Like a commitment and more time together, and if you keep doing this little dance with her, you are only being an asshole. Believe me, no matter what I think of her personally, I have been that girl, and when the other shoe drops, it’s awful. Don’t you remember how McKnobhead did this to me? Don’t you remember how hard it was, and how it made me feel? Think about Suzuki as if it was me. Would you do this to me, knowing how it affected me the last time? You need to do it now, before you waste anymore of her time. And yours. Don’t you want to be with someone that you are excited about?

BB: Yes…

To be Continued….

When the shoe is on Suzuki’s foot…Part 1

Funny story.

Some of you remember when I told you a story about Suzuki, who I used to be friends with.  If not, go read now, so you can understand what kind of person we’re talking about. Otherwise the rest of this story will make no sense.

So, anyways, last summer, we found out that Best Boy and Suzuki were kind of a thing. And had been for awhile. And by kind of a thing, I mean a secret thing. A thing that he didn’t tell ANY of his friends about. A thing that he never admitted she was his girlfriend. A thing so tumultuous, they consistently fought and she habitually would delete and re-add him to her Myspace friends. (You’re already probably shaking your head with me on this one, aren’t you?)

Ok, so, on his birthday we (Best Boy, myself, Angeltwin, Best Boy’s Man best friend and Man best friend’s wife) all went out, and had a good time celebrating, and half way through the night his phone rings. It was Suzuki and she wanted him to come over RIGHT THEN. And he said no, “I am out with my friends, and I have had a few. It’s my birthday. I am NOT coming over. You can come here if you really want to see me.” And she says, “well SD is there, so there is no way I am coming.” He says fine, hangs up and come back into the bar.

We proceed to have a good time. She continues to call. He continues to not pick up. By the time we get home, she has called and left 4 messages. I ask Best boy, dude why is she tripping? What is the big deal, it’s not like she’s your girlfriend. And Best Boy kind of hesitates and says, well she’s not my girlfriend, but…

WHAT?!?!? OK, so now we ALL know that he and Suzuki have a thing, fine, GROSS, but still, ok. You’re a grown ass man and wherever you want to get it, it’s your business. None of his close friends like her, including Man best friend and myself. But besides the fact that I don’t like her personally, she’s just wrong for him. So wrong. So SO SOSOSOSO wrong. In so many ways, and I cannot even begin to put it into words. And we all knew it. And he knew it too. But, again, grown ass man.

By now it’s 3 am and she is still calling, and so I took his phone and turned it off. He was HAMMERED and in no way in any shape able to have THAT kind of conversation. You know the kind, where it’s late and you’re stuck at home and your SO is out and wasted and you’re pissed about it. They never turn out well for either party. I have extensive experience in this matter, from both sides.

So the next morning, Angeltwin and I take off for a bachelorette party and leave Best Boy on our sofa writhing in hangover induced agony. When I reach the bachelorette party, our friend Spencer asks me if I knew where Ryan was. Yes, of course, he’s dying on my sofa.

Apparently Suzuki had been trying all morning to reach Best Boy, but alas, his phone was off. So what did she do? She drove to his house and sat and waited for him. When he hadn’t come back, she called up her friend Lisa, who called up Spencer to get Spencer to give her MY number so that Suzuki could call and harass me and find out where Best Boy was. Spencer didn’t give my number to Lisa, but still. Weird. Can we say ISSUES? First you do a drive by and then you track down MY friend to get my number? Like I would tell you where he was anyways. Just chill. He’s not calling you back for a reason. He’s hungover, he’s pissed at you and you just need to deal with it.

So, among a host of other reason, this further proves to me why Suzuki is not a good match for Best Boy. She’s needy, overbearing, and a little psycho to start. I thought this would be the end of their “thing” and didn’t think much more about it.

Until a couple of months later, I hear that Spencer saw Suzuki and Best Boy at the dollar movie theater. You know, the one where you take the girl you’re not super proud to be seen with to. At this point, I ask Best Boy what is the deal, seriously?

And he says he doesn’t really know. And that NO she is not his girlfriend. And no he doesn’t see himself marrying her. So what is the point, I asked him. He also doesn’t know that….

TO BE CONTINUED…

Help!

So, McKnobhead sent me a text message today because he thought he saw me out at happy hour. I responded that no, it was not me, and then he asked if I wanted to get dinner or drinks next week.

The thing is…I don’t. And I don’t know how to go about saying that. 

Here’s what I want to write, but cannot say:

“No, I don’t want see you McKnobhead. I know that I said that I would have dinner with you a couple of weeks ago when we talked on the phone and caught up, but here’s the thing, that was enough catching up for me. For probably the next six months. I don’t need to catch up in person. We chatted, it was comfortable, and it was horribly awkward and when I hung up the phone with you, I burst into tears. For three full minutes, I sobbed. And I don’t know why. And then I stopped, and caught myself. And I called Michelle, and I talked to her about it. And I know that I agreed when you said we should get together, but the truth is that I didn’t mean it. Yes, I lied. I just didn’t want to say no, and sound like a bitch, or even worse, let you know that I think that even after all this time, that seeing you would set me back. Because it probably would, as far as I have come, you are probably still like crack, and I just don’t want to tempt myself into feeling shitty. In an ideal world, yes, we could be friends, but this is not an ideal world, and I don’t want to see you and I don’t want to be friends. And I know you will understand, but I want to figure out a way to tell you this without revealing that you still affect me so much. I don’t want you to know that seeing you might make me feel shitty. And I certainly don’t want to assauge your guilt over our breakup by seeing you when I don’t really want to. I know that you probably think that if you see me and I am okay, then you won’t have to still feel bad about the way it all went down. But the things is, that I am not interested in making you feel better at my own expense. I am okay but mostly because you are NOT in my life, and if I was to reintroduce you into my day to day, I don’t know if I could still say that. Besides, is this really going to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship where we hug and hang out for drinks and dinner once a month? I really don’t think it is. It would be a check-up, and while I wish no ill will towards you, I don’t need a checkup beyond a phone call every few months. Or an email. So, no, I don’t want to do dinner or drinks. I would like to see if your hair really is falling out, but not enough to see YOU. Sorry about that by the way, that must suck at 27. Well, no, you’re right, I am NOT really sorry, in fact I think it’s somewhat funny, but again, this is a reason why I am not fit to hang out with you yet, or ever, because I feel gleeful about your hair loss. Friends don’t do that, so we’re not friends, as much as you would clearly like to be. But…I don’t. If only for my own self-preservation.”

So, Internetz, who wants to write that email for me? Any takers on how to craft an email such that I don’t reveal my lingering vulnerabilities to him? And not sound like a bitch for not wanting to see him?

I’m looking at you Lisa, master of the well crafted letdown, but anyone else who wants to give it a shot, please help me out. Because I am at a loss.

 

Things I irrationally hate because of men…

So Sabina and The Ethical Slut started this post and I am a lemming, so I stole it. Plus it is the anniversary of the day I found my shit in a bag, one year ago today, so what better way to be bitter and celebrate than with an irrational post. I have good reason to hate some of these things, even if they are good for me, or universally fun and/or well liked and/or harmless on their own.

Without further ado…

1. The best Mexican restaurant down by the beach in Orange County - My ex always went to Taco Tuesday there, so I had to avoid it until I knew he had moved out of the neighborhood.

2. Running this one route that I used to run all the time - When he did move off the beach, he moved into MY neighborhood, so yeah, I could go back to the best Mexican food place, but now I cannot run my favorite run because it goes by his house. Which even though I don’t know which one it is, knowing I am that close is enough to piss me off and make me detour which means I don’t get to run by my favorite house in my neighborhood, because it’s on his street.

3. Snowboarding - I’m with ES on this one. I dated a snowboarder. Several actually. No thanks. Don’t wanna learn, don’t wanna go, don’t wanna associate with idiots who go. Don’t wanna even be in the lodge bar while people snowboard without me.

4. The Olive Garden - McKnobhead hated the Olive Garden and even though I didn’t particularly care for it, it was drilled into to me that Olive Garden was the root of all evil in America, so even now, I am brainwashed against it.

5. Text Messaging - I am a reformed over texter, thanks to 4558 or some bullshit amount of text messages in December. Unless it’s a quick note to tell me you’re late or a quick question, just fucking call me. I deserve a fucking phone call. Which is really stupid, because I love the convenience of texting, but now I just can’t do it.

6. AOL - you and your system hold the screennames of 3 of my 4 major former loves. Fuck you.

7. The name Adrienne for a girl - which kind of sucks because my favorite cousin is named Adrienne. You can probably figure out why I hate it.

8. Oppenheimer funds -see here.

9. Chicago - I had a terrible trip there, but I only hate it in theory. I am actually thinking of moving there, so I would have to get over that, so let’s make it more specific. I hate THIS. I hate it because I bought a print of it when I was in Chicago with aformentioned asshole who ruined the vacation I paid for, and three years later, I still have yet to hang that damn picture. Perhaps I should just burn it in effigy, agreed?

10. Le creuset pots - I waited in line for forty five minutes the week before Christmas to buy one for McKnobhead’s mother for him while he bought other shit downstairs, and then he didn’t even sign my name to the card. And she complained that he got the wrong color or some other bullshit.

11. Curb your enthusiasm.

I could go on, but I think that is enough bitter, man hitting bile for a couple of months. Bee tee dubs, I actually love men. I just hate these things.

Elements of the ridiculous…

So, let’s just get it out of the way here that I am an authority on NOTHING. I am competent in my profession, sure, but I am no expert, in any field.

It’s hilarious to me, when designers, celebrities and companies engage in cross product marketing that completely goes against their area of expertise. Or that is in their area, but is for a completely ridiculous item that is only being sold because it has X’s name on it. Or why certain companies choose the people that they do to come up with a new line of products for them. They must sit in conference rooms and ask themselves, “Who can we pick that has a famous name name that will lend the LEAST amount of credibility to this new venture? Great, let’s pick them. ” Or “this is a great idea that X uses, so let’s create an exclusive X item. Or ten thousand exclusive X items, that everyone needs anyways, whichever.” I also have trouble understanding when celebrities, particularly actors and singers peddle products, as though making millions of dollars acting is not enough, now they have a clothing line? Hmmm, me smells commercialism and greed at its zenith. Here are my ten current favorite shameless whoring it out examples.

Examples:

1. Vera Wang mattresses - Stick with wedding gowns, I’ll take my mattress advice from Sealy, thanks. Or at the very least, Martha Stewart.

2. 50 cent & Vitamin Water - Hmmm, I do like me some vitamin water, but how is 50 an expert on hydration?? Is he a chemist?? No. Isn’t he more suited to promoting say, bullets or hidden crack pouches??? Now maybe he’s just an investor, in which case, bravo, smart man.

3. Jessica Simpson and anything - She is not an authority on ANY subject or product. EVER. And I KNOW she did not design all those shoes herself, or similarly, her line of hair extensions. Come on now people. (see Paris Hilton for similar violations against my sense of righteous indignation.)

4. Celebrities and fragrance lines - I never get this. Is this THEIR fragrance that they wear exclusively or is it just a frangrance they like? Because something tells me that SJP is not going to be wearing her own fragrance, Lovely, if she knows that the masses can wear it too? Aren’t celebrities all elitist and into exclusive shit? Or does wearing Lovely make me more like SJP? Questions to ponder…

5. Felicity Huffman’s pillow. - What?? Did she design this pillow, or is she supremely qualified, AS A MOTHER, to know how trying motherhood is? Hmm, because I thought that oh, you know, all mothers could testify to that.

6. Rihanna’s Umbrella collection - Um… because she sang about one, figuratively, she now has a line of umbrellas??? Is she an umbrella master?

7. Armani Easter Eggs - yes, because high fashion and chocolate are the best of friends. (See Models:Anorexia ratio, and heroin chic for details.)

8. Rachael Ray’s Garbage bowl - because you need the specific Rachael Ray trash bowl, you couldn’t just use any other bowl. Of course, not, silly SD. This is probably, I think the WORST offense listed. Because some stupid woman in Ohio (sorry, just picked a state) looks at this and thinks, “I MUST have this exclusive Rachael Ray garbage bowl. I MUST HAVE IT!” (And we wonder why the economy is in the shitter?)

9. Speaking of Martha Stewart - Is this really better than this? take a look, and tell me what you think? Other than price, what is the difference? Martha is not an authority on cutting boards, or laundry baskets or cutlery or dishes. Basting a turkey, and cutting fresh flowers, maybe. Oh and prison, she’s an authority on white collar, nancy-pancy, craft making ninny butt whining in prison.

10. The Spice Girls furniture line -Are they interior designers? No, they’re sad washed up ex-pop stars with no taste. Really??

EXCEPTIONS:

Gwen Stefani’s line - I think she has some interesting things, and although they are not my taste, I applaud her originality. I guess.

Celebrities who promote Proactiv - I like this product and can get behind them saying that it worked for them. Because it does. Although I think that they should promote out of the goodness of their heart and their newfound clear skin rather than an endorsement deal, so really, this one is a wash.

Natalie Portman and vegan shoes - because there really is a need for this product and her promoting it does increase awareness of the availability of products like this. And she’s not selling the shoes herself.

* UPDATE * please feel free to leave me links with your favorite abuse of celebrity product peddling. I’d love to see them.

Why this weekend was awesome…

I had a GREAT weekend. And while I am not usually a fan of recaps, here is why:

1. Cleaned my entire house, organized everything under the sun, and finally hung my drapes. Sigh.

2. Got my hair done, highlights, yeah!

3. Learned that McKnobhead still goes to my hairstylist.

4. Learned from my hairstylist that McKnobhead is losing his hair, so much so, that she has put him on Nioxin.

5. Learned from my hairstylist that McKnobhead is NOT engaged.

6. Learned from my hairstylist that McKnobhead’s girlfriend, FlowerGirl, is only moderately attractive, does not do any sort of eyebrow maintenance or wear makeup, wears BIRKENSTOCKS, and is in general, very homely and hippy-like, but not in the cute, hippy chic, bohemian way. Hippy-like in the wear birkenstocks, and doesn’t pluck her eyebrows way.

-Now you might think that this would make me feel worse, but in fact, it makes me feel better, because it sounds like the new girl is the anti-me. I also learned that she is a student, and doesn’t work, which means that since they are living together, he is paying ALL the bills. This is something that I find very funny, as he said he would NEVER do that again, after being taken advantage of by another girlfriend.

Ahhh, relationship karma. It’s nice to know that he’s losing his hair and that mine looks better than ever. Am I a huge bitch to feel ever so slightly satisfied about this???

It’s the little things.